"Random Ramblings"

So, I was about to rest a bit this evening around 5:00 PM (17:00) and I walked into the other room to speak with my mom for a moment before resting, and the news was on. At this time not much was known – and still much to be learned, even ~4 hours later – and we didn’t even know the possible amount of passengers, and only a “small” amount of serious injured people at the time. What happened is this: a MetroLink train (a passenger train) had collided with a freight train, not too far a drive from here.

And not just a normal collision…

No, the engine of the freight was lodged deep inside the front train car where passengers were. No idea how many were in that train, but there could have been around 350 in the train total. It’s already on CNN, the BBC and I imagine many other news websites. And it’s still on the local news on TV. I don’t know much as I don’t tend to watch TV and the news articles will never have as much information, but from what I heard from witnesses, news agencies, authorities and what I saw, it is very bad. Many cars were derailed, and other crazy things happened too.

Now, since gas prices are insane here, a lot of people are using trains, which makes this disaster all the more horrible. Thankfully I don’t know anyone who uses trains for transportation. And I am so glad I wasn’t there; besides the fact it’s a horrible thing to witness, I’m terrified of trains from an earlier time in my life.

An interesting thing I just learned about this is how the authorities found the location of the accident. See, it’s at a place that’s rather well hidden, not just visible from anywhere. In fact, I used to drive by here a lot but don’t recall ever seeing the tracks. But anyway, there was a police officer on the train who was not too badly hurt from the crash. He immediately called in for help and explained where it occurred. Can’t imagine how it’d be if they didn’t know where it was…

The one good thing of all this: many people near by, who had heard the crash, immediately went to help those in trouble, and authorities – firefighters, medical personnel, police and others – were soon there as well. Pretty amazing how people can come together – even if they don’t know each other – and help each other survive and deal with tragedies and disasters. That, I think, is how humanity has survived all the horrible wars and other disasters on Earth… Anyway, it’s dark here already, and I just hope that they can rescue as many people as possible before they have to stop for the night. And I hope it can be soon forgotten, as thinking of the past is not a healthy thing, really, for anyone.

All of this makes me think of one of the many disasters I was close to – a major rock slide in Yosemite National Park, one year while there. I was going to write about it, but I feel it’d be more suited elsewhere, for this is about the train disaster and not really disasters in general, except to say:

Disasters are unfortunate, but they can happen anywhere and anytime, and sad as it is, they can effect anyone. I would guess for most, it’s hard to ever imagine you’d be in or near a disaster, but I learned long ago – even though I’m only 26 – that bad things can happen to anyone, and you always should be prepared for them.

This has effected me in a way, but I can’t imagine how it must feel to be a victim or to be loved ones of a victim… I just hope they can somehow cope in time.

Ah, memories… I actually don’t have many, especially any worth remembering, that I can think of. But I do have some. I was looking at one of the Yosemite photos in my photo gallery, and I remembered my first time there and the first landmark I was introduced to by my mom. Half Dome. I’ve written about it briefly before, but it’s truely a nice memory, even if small.

And I’ve been given a task of thinking of good things about my life each day – about traits, qualities, memories, talents, anything – and so I am writing some memories today. Won’t be writing every day here about good things in my life, but I am today.

I remember being with my brother and mother, and she was driving and there is a spot on the way to the valley where you can stop and look at Half Dome and other things below and from afar.  It was a fantastic sight. She told us what it was called and why, and how well known it is. And then after some pictures we continued our drive, and it just got better and better. It was a very nice week for sure. And I went there each year for some years and then for some reason we stopped going anywhere. I’d sure like to go there again. But that was something good in my life.

And there is one other ‘set of memories’ of importance to me… Seeing my favourite band live. Something I never thought I’d be able to do. I’ve been following Metallica for 15 years or more, now. And I had been a fan since around 1991-1993 or so, and it wasn’t until 2003 that I could finally see them live. I wrote about it before, but it was due to my asthma. It was probably the most exciting time of my life. I had – due to illness – been out of the fan club for a year or so, and as such did not get presale tickets, but nonetheless, I had really good seats. They played songs I was hoping for, and just being there, hearing it all.. so loud, so raw, so heavy and fast, was amazing.  It was probably the happiest day of my life. Then I saw them three times in 2004. Second time in 2004 I was in/on the pit/floor and I – thanks to my brother – got a drumstick which was incredible. Next time I saw them I was also on the floor and got guitar picks – not to mention having Robert Trujillo at an arms reach of me. I saw them earlier this year, and In December of this year I’ll be seeing them again, though not on the floor as I fear my strength at this time will not be enough to withstand it. But I’m excited nonetheless.

And then there was one other memory, or rather, something that happened to me. My mom’s coworker/friend’s brother works on million dollar homes, doing stuccowork and other things. Now, he had just worked on our house – which is no million dollar home, I assure you – and he knew I was a huge Metallica fan. Though he wasn’t a fan, he of course tolerated the music being on a lot. The next house he worked on was Robert Trujillo’s house on some beach. This worker somehow got into a conversation with Rob that he knows of a huge fan of some metal band. He even made a joke about how much he hated the crap. Both laughed. And Robert was so cool about it – he suggested he would give his autograph. So I got a nice photo of Rob and sent it his way. Not only was it just his signature, it was personal message to me. I was ecstatic.

So those are some good things in my life that I have to try to remember… as my life is in turmoil right about now.

Ok, so I did do _something_ today that seemed productive – I uploaded more to my website. In particular, besides some possible design changes, and various updates, my site is mostly done for now. Go ahead and check it out. I’m quite happy about _that_.

But somehow, I feel completely down, empty and unaccomplished otherwise. Not entirely new, but it’s been bad recently.  Nothing feels right or good. Everything is actually the opposite. I dread the future. Ok, yes I have some nice chats with friends, and sure I do some “fun” things, but once they end, it’s back to the same lousy feeling all over again. And it seems the “fun” things don’t last nearly as long as I could use for my own sanity. Perhaps because they don’t. Never did I think I’d need so much contact with people. So weird. And I hate it all – the loneliness factor and all the other involving feelings and thinking required. It’s a lot of work and effort and I don’t like that, either.

And don’t even get me started on emotions, one of the things I hate the most. Sure they say they’re healthy, and they say it lets you know you’re alive. But.. being somewhat of a schizoid – that is, emotionally detached and withdrawn – it’s very very new to me. A few years ago maybe, a lot of powerful emotions just ganged up on me. I’ve been told that this is “progress”, and that I’ve made “progress” in expressing them – indeed maybe writing about them is part of this so called “progress” – but I don’t care. I hate emotions.  It’s not really fair. Why did they all have to come up at me, all at once, especially when I’m already an adult ? And as for that emotion love… Ugh. I really hate that one. I won’t even get into that one, as the friends and others who know about it, know exactly who it’s for, what it’s about and how difficult it is for me. So frustrating, having to deal with all these emotions. Actually, I’m not sure what’s worse – the very dark, depressed moods I had in the past, or the fear and frustration of the emotions I have now.

I’m tempted to say the emotions are worse…

And that about sums up my life at the moment. I just hope something good happens soon… Honestly the only thing that seems somewhat exciting is the new Metallica album and well, I’ve heard it. Yes it’s great, but I don’t think it’s enough to get rid of my depressed mood.  I guess that’s where I am, once again – depressed. Blah.

Being a huge Metallica fan it comes as no surprise I’ve already heard the three songs off the new record that have been released. Obviously I’m very hyped about the new record, and I want to hear more and more – even sooner than it should have been possible. And somehow, today I considered the possibilities that maybe – just maybe – there would be some leaks. I have this memory of similar things happening before. And since I’ve already pre-ordered the record, and some of the material is already released, I feel no guilt at the possible downloading of more of the record. I’m a collector anyway, and I have different versions of most of their material, live, studio and demos. That won’t change and so even if I have a download, I’ll still have the official, paid for copy.

So, taking this into mind, I checked to see if there were any leaks. As it turns out – yes, there has been a leak! Could it really be it… an authentic copy ?

Well, apparently, a store in France, I hear, put the record on shelves before they were supposed to. It was soon after put online. I looked a bit more into it and it seems authentic. I downloaded it and it sounds authentic too. It sounds amazing, even if it’s only a rip. And some would say such a thing would be reason enough to not buy it or a reason to be less excited. But they’d be wrong – at least in my case. I’m even more excited than before, and I anxiously await the 12th of this month so I can get my hands on the record itself. And that would not change, whether I had bought it already or not. Any true fan would buy a copy, even if they can get it free, in my opinion.

A difficult day it was, but it ended up on at least some excitement and a reminder that there are things I am looking forward to. That is a good thing. So, in answer to the question I proposed – could it really be… ? Well, yes, it could. And I’m happy about that.

So I’m in my computer room a short bit before I head off to bed. I had a lot of guests here tonight – 14 to be exact, all family except one person who is my cousin’s boyfriend. But I get very nervous around a lot of people. I wish I could stop that, but it’s just how I am. I’m very anxious here, wishing it’d all end. Wonderful people, but too many around at once.

I guess the good thing of the evening is the private chats I’ve had – though short – with a few people. My brother for example. I spoke with him for a while, about his job and about the concerts I’m going to go to with him, as well as the new Metallica album. So that was nice. Bad thing is I found out a good friend of mine is in ICU. She’ll manage though, she always does. But it’s never nice to have people you care about, in pain/discomfort.

I’m just trying to take it easy, and let it pass. Tomorrow is another day, as I try to keep in mind. And after all, the day wasn’t horrible, it was just a bit difficult in the evening.

Something else that I just realized, is that I seem to be able to open up a bit more than usual. Until I started with this blog and actually had a desire to work on this and the rest of my site, it’d be very hard for me to even think about writing this kind of thing down for anyone to see; I would have never guessed this would happen, actually. But this is a great thing. So for whatever reason, I’m actually writing beyond what I ever did – I used to write a lot, but never about emotions. It feels weird, yet I know it’s a good and healthy thing.

I really enjoy being in Yosemite. Last time that I was there was around June or July of 1999. Too long ago. Now, one of most well known places in Yosemite is Half Dome. I have plenty of – perhaps too many – pictures of it in my albums. And as I hinted in some of the photo descriptions that I wrote last night (all albums commented now, by the way), there is a tale behind it that I would like to share. There are other tales around other parts of Yosemite, too, but that’s besides the point of this post.

I first heard this at an evening show in Yosemite’s Curry Village one year while there. While I couldn’t remember much more than the face on Half Dome is that of a woman, I do remember it being an interesting story, as to how it was formed, even if it’s only a legend I can’t find as true. I had to search for it, but I found at least one version of it and I’m going to share it here. Credits go to the person who originally told it (to me) and the website I got it from – http://yosemite.ca.us. Note I’m not sure if this is the version or even the same legend that I heard, but I do remember part of it, so I’m guessing it is indeed the legend I heard.

Many, many generations ago, long before the Gods had completed the fashioning of the magnificent cliffs in the Valley of Ahwahnee, there dwelt far off in arid plains an Indian woman by the name of Tis-sa-ack and her husband Nangas. Learning from other Indians of the beautiful and fertile Valley of Ahwahnee, they decided to go there and make it their dwelling place. Their journey led them over rugged terrain, steep canyons and through dense forests. Tis-sa-ack carried on her back a heavy burden basket containing acorns and other articles, as well as a papoose carrier, or hickey. Nangas followed at a short distance carrying his bow, arrow and a rude staff.

After days and days of weary traveling, they at last entered the beautiful Valley of Ahwahnee. Nangas being tired, hungry and very thirsty, lost his temper, and without good reason he struck Tis-sa-ack a sharp blow across the shoulders with his staff. Since it was contrary to custom for an Indian to mistreat his wife, Tis-sa-ack became terrified and ran eastward from her husband.

As she went, the Gods looking down, caused the path she took to become the course of a stream, and the acorns that dropped from her burden basket to spring up into stalwart oaks. At length Tis-sa-ack reached Mirror Lake, and so great was her thirst that she drank every drop of the cool, quiet water.

When Nangas caught up with Tis-sa-ack, and saw that there was no water left to quench his thirst, his anger knew no bounds, and again he struck her with his staff. Tis-sa-ack again ran from him, but he pursued her and continued to beat her. Looking down on them, the Gods were sorely displeased.

“Tis-sa-ack and Nangas have broken the spell of peace,” they said. “Let us transform them into cliffs of granite that face each other, so that they will be forever parted.”

Tis-sa-ack as she fled tossed aside the heavy burden basket to enable her to run faster, and landing upside down it immediately became Basket Dome; next she threw the papoose carrier, or hickey, to the north wall of the canyon, and it became Royal Arches. Nangas was then changed into Washington Column, and Tis-sa-ack into Half Dome. The dark streaks that still mar the face of this stupendous cliff represent the tears that Tis-sa-ack shed as she ran from her angry husband.

And that is how Half Dome originated. Or so the legend says… The science version is, more or less, that a glacier cut at the granite over time, and, by chance, the face of the dome looks like a person. But I love stories, be it through word of mouth, books or even videos. And above is one such story I find to be very enjoyable.

As it turns out, Gallery didn’t work out so well for me, so for now I am using CopperMine – which required no effort at all (drat that stupid Gallery trouble!), and is installed and running fine. Still need to make sure everything is configured to my liking, but it’s configured enough for visitors. I haven’t commented every album, but I’m working on it. Right about now, I have pets commented, Grand Canyon commented (sort of – see the album description), and maybe one or two years of Yosemite commented as well. Feel free to visit it anytime, and I’d be happy to hear your comments, good or bad. Note that some of the pictures are not the greatest of quality, and all certainly could be improved, but I’d also say some are fairly nice :) You can visit it here:

CoderJunkie Photo Gallery

I also put up a basic main index page, along with some logos for the site. More will follow soon, but for now you can see the logos here, neatly stacked on the index page:

CoderJunkie Main Page

My personal favourites are the first three, perhaps in the order they appear. The others I have in no particular order. Let me know what you think :)

Oh, and I got the tickets for the two Metallica shows in Los Angeles in December, this morning. So I’m set to go there, if everything goes as planned! :)

I’m having major insomnia again, so I’m very tired – though somewhat awake at the moment – but hopefully tomorrow I can work on finishing the photo albums and maybe work more on the site, as well as get another post here.

Thanks to everyone who has given their support and feedback to me thus far (especially you; yes, you know who you are).

So much frustration doing something I could have done in the past in no time at all. And yet, it took me most of the evening. Here’s what happened:

I had just installed Gallery on my web server to begin setting up my photo albums for my site. At this time I knew I did not have the latest version. To be precise, it was one version below the current stable. Somehow though, it didn’t bother me. Not then anyway. Soon I decided to upgrade it. And this is where problems started cropping up.

Firstly, I read some info on the upgrade procedure – keeping in mind I’m new to Gallery (or any photo gallery for that matter) – and it seemed simple enough. One way is to copy the new version’s code to the current/older version’s directory/folder. So I start FTP and begin uploading the entire code on to my server. Yes, file by file. How stupid. I soon realized if I had the archive (as in, compressed archives – zip etc) I could just put it on the server and extract it to the directory in one command (ha, see below).

Thing is, when I got this domain, I had the provider recreate my account as it seemed fit for a new login name and directory. Unfortunately, though, they require a photo ID for SSH (secure shell, i.e. secure version of telnet, i.e. command prompt) access (which I would need to type in commands). As my account was recreated though, I lost this access. So not having my scanner hooked up, and preferring to use my digital camera anyway (don’t ask), I take a picture of my ID. I am then thinking things will be in order fairly soon. I submit the ID after downloading it from my camera, and decide to call the provider to see if they can process it quickly. As I get a hold of them, I see an email that just arrived, saying the attachment didn’t seem to work. Great. So I resend it and talk to someone anyway.

Since they didn’t have access to that email, they couldn’t see the ID. So they suggest I upload it to my account (a good idea, mind you). I try and then I realize I have some more trouble! FTP is not properly working for me. Then he suggests email. I do it and it works fine. So, now I have SSH access. Finally. Next is to upload the archive of Gallery and continue my task. Except, I then fought with my FTP connection for at least 30 minutes. I log into SSH (which was also slow) and see some processes of mine that look unusual. Also saw some other non-normal things under network / system status. Call the provider back again, and they suggest I kill the process. After that’s done, I managed to upload the file. Thankfully it worked fine and so did SSH access.

Next. I – not having used Unix/Linux in some while – forgot some basic options/parameters to the command I needed (tar). Fought with it a bit and couldn’t remember how to do what I needed (extracting the archive into the current existing directory, overwriting any files that stood in the way – thus being updated). So I changed my thinking a bit. Surely I could manage now. But, no, I was wrong again. Forgetting the fact that I was upgrading – which is a different procedure than installing anew – I removed the directory/folder and just extracted the entire archive to a new directory (of the same name of the now deleted directory). Then I move on to my web browser to open up Gallery. It seems at least the install will work. Until I reach the database part of the install where I could not figure out the information. I remembered I had some of it in email (after much more frustration) and try it but still it failed to work. So I remove the install again, thinking I’ll forget about the more recent version and deal with the one that actually worked – by reinstalling it again. Then as I was about to do that, I remember more about my provider’s interface – a way to look into the database names and other information.

By this time I’m frustrated to no end and getting to be angry at the whole issue. But I continued. I reinstalled Gallery. It works. But it didn’t satisfy me. I _had_ to get the most recent version. Nothing out of the ordinary for me. I don’t like things not working right, especially when it is a problem that can be solved.

What I did next finally worked (hurray!), though it still took a bit of time. I read up on the upgrading procedure a bit more. I believe I already said this, but in case not, I couldn’t get the files to extract properly. So I did a workaround – I extracted the files to a different directory, and then copied the files from the new directory to the old, thereby accomplishing the same thing I had planned on doing in the first place (which was overwrite old files with new files). Merging the directories would be another way of describing it, perhaps. In any case, I got this part done (finally).

Then I went back to the interface in my web browser, did the upgrade procedure and everything went PERFECTLY. Unfortunately though, I don’t have the energy for the evening to upload my photos. But… at least the gallery exists on the server, and I was able to configure most of it (save for the design/theme). So hopefully tomorrow I can get photos uploaded, as well as a blog I was planning on doing today but decided against due to my frustrations.

Of course, most stories have a moral to them, and this story’s moral is to – during troubleshooting, if n one is around who can help – always try to stay clearheaded and calm, and if all else fails either come back later (or, in my case, RTFM).

My family is full of musicians, and my life has been greatly impacted by music. It’s helped me get through a lot of very tough times, and I feel music may have in some ways saved me. I am very grateful for this, because the experiences and the people I have in my life (my friends especially) are far worth going through my rather horrific upbringing.

My favourite band by far is Metallica. I’ve been following them for some 15-17 years I’d say. For many years I could not see them live – which was a dream of mine that finally came true in 2003 – due to horrible asthma (smoke etc at concerts would have caused me major trouble). As I said, until 2003. By that time my asthma had – due to a lot of treatments and luck – cleared up more or less. Oh was I excited, and it was indeed an incredible experience – a dream come true. Their music – especially their older material – helped me a lot through my hard times.

And ever since, I try my best to get to every concert they play here in my area (I live in Southern California, near Los Angeles). And performing live is what they’re about. Naturally I’ve seen other bands while going to Metallica concerts, including Godsmack (who also puts on a very nice show, especially their Batalla De Los Tambores), Bad Religion and many others that my memory fails to think of. Batalla De Los Tambores, roughly ‘Battle of Drums’, is an incredible thing. Godsmack’s singer and drummer battle it out with drums, with lots of light effects as well. If you like drums – and indeed maybe even if you don’t – you’d like this. Words do not do it justice.

I’m especially looking forward to Metallica’s new record as well as a couple concerts here in Los Angeles in December. I will of course have a report of those in due time.

Otherwise, I love the bagpipe and other wind instruments the most. And I find the piano and guitar and banjo and so many other instruments fascinating and beautiful as well.

Okay, done with this for now. Hopefully will get a new post up tomorrow or the next day.

So, I’ve had this domain for a while (see About: CoderJunkie for more info on the name), and I’ve yet to do anything with it. Since several of my closest of friends have their own blogs, I figured I’d try to work on my own. Again. Yes, I tried it before but never stayed with it. So this will be interesting for sure. I know it’d be good for me, as writing is good for everyone. Yes, everyone. So feel free to comment if you disagree (hehe). Comment if you agree too.

What will this blog and site have in the future ? Hmm… that’s yet to be seen, but I imagine stuff about books/movies/music I enjoy and, as the name and description of the blog suggests – random ramblings that could very well cause confusion! Oh, and hopefully interest. Also, next on my agenda will be getting photos I’ve taken over the years into an online photo gallery. I technically have an online photo gallery on my other domain, but I’m moving it here and will eventually get rid of the old domain as I don’t have the money for all domains when I only plan on using this one.

Otherwise, since I don’t have a design yet – and the blog theme/design/templates may change as well in time – for my site, I’ll just say that over the next week or so I’ll try to make a blog entry for each thing that means the world to me (music, books, computers, friends and family), as well as try to design my website. Blog is on my first priority though.